Dear Jim, Jack & Captain Morgan: I'll see you in April

24 Feb

So it’s Fat Tuesday. Which may be one of my favorite holidays because any day that is based on overconsumption is just fine by me. So far today, I’ve had two rice krispie treats for breakfast. There’s a McDonald’s Value Meal in my near future and believe you me, I do not frequent McDonalds. But I take this Fat Tuesday business very seriously. I may need to go to a movie tonight so that I get a very large soda and a very large bucket of very buttery popcorn (how good does that sound??).

Sadly, Fat Tuesday lasts but a single day and tomorrow I must sacrifice something for lent. (Really I do a shameful job of following most Catholic tradition but for some reason I continue to do this. A test of will maybe?) So, I am giving up alcohol.

No beers, no maggieritas, no whiskey of any kind (which probably means I’m also giving up Cheetos.) The only exception to my rule is wine, because Jesus drank wine so I can too. I think thats completely reasonable.

This may be a real cop out on my part – aren’t you supposed to give up alcohol during Lent anyway? I don’t know. A mere technicality. Anyway…

My Dearest Jim, Jack, Captain, even you Bud: We need to talk. I think we need to take a break. It’s not you. It’s me. My wallet is wearing thin and my waist is not and I think it maybe due to our on-again-off-again relationship. It’s just a break. Nothing permanent. (Except you, Jim, after what you did to my head this weekend, we may be over for good.)

We can see other people if you’d like. There’s a nice looking Reisling in my cabinet that’s been eyeing me and I think I need to see what it has to offer. We can still be friends, I’d really like that. And if we run into each other at a bar one night, no hard feelings. No need to look the other way. So, if you could just step aside for the next 40 days, we’ll see where we can go from there.

We’ll see how this goes. I have serious get-fit plans for the next four months so maybe my Lenten sacrifice can help me with that.

Zac is giving up coffee. I find this ludacris. Zac likes coffee a million times more than I like alcohol. But, he is often more disciplined than I am so probably he can make it work. Or, maybe, he’ll be on meth by the time Easter rolls around. Either way, I’m sure he’ll find a way to keep his energy level boosted with out his beloved black coffee.

Now if you’ll excuse me I need to go eat more rice krispie treats and locate some candy so I can get back to my Fat Tuesday focus. Would any of you like to go out for drinks this evening? I’ll have a good 6 hours of drinking time left after work : )

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10 Responses to “Dear Jim, Jack & Captain Morgan: I'll see you in April”

  1. Zac February 24, 2009 at 3:35 pm #

    Hahaha!! I seriously laughed out loud at your dialogue with our friends Jim, Jack, and Captain! And, for the record, I will be using cocaine to keep my energy levels up; meth is for soccer moms.

  2. Zac February 24, 2009 at 3:38 pm #

    …and I will be joining you for drinks, buttery popcorn, and general unhealthiness after work

  3. mom February 24, 2009 at 4:49 pm #

    I dont think i want to talk to either one of you on the phone for the next 40 days!! It may get vicious!!! but rest assured being the great mom that i am i will be serving coffee laced with Jim Beam for Easter dinner. and to set the record straight maggies sunday hangover had nothing to do with being out with me on saturday, i felt fine on sunday!!!

    • maggieandzac February 24, 2009 at 4:58 pm #

      Ya, we should be real pleasant to be around. And I don’t blame you for my hangover – it all falls on Zac and his, “How come we never do shots together?” speech.

  4. Shelsey Kennedy February 24, 2009 at 6:27 pm #

    Hi Maggie!
    Good luck with your goal. Your mom is right you guys are going to be pulling your hair out. I am a coffee drinker and I know I couldn’t give it up. Stay strong mama and tell Zac good luck.

  5. Holly February 25, 2009 at 1:29 am #

    You’re too funny.

  6. Claire February 25, 2009 at 1:54 am #

    I dont know what you 2 are thinking! But more power to ya…im not that disiplined to give up coffee, i am a monster without it…and what about grafton??!! OUR wine-guy? Our fireside beer?! WHat ever will we do!? We need a maggiezacjeffclaire camping extravaganza trilogy !!???

  7. Sheena February 27, 2009 at 3:07 am #

    Good luck to both of you, as I can’t imagine giving either of those things up. At the end of the 40 days I think you will need an easter basket full of liquor and CHEETOS!!!!!!

  8. Jenny February 27, 2009 at 3:36 am #

    This is hilarious! Whats even funnier is that Brandon, my mom and myself all gave up alcohol as well. I gave up chocolate too! I wish you and Zac the best of luck and if you are looking for ways to fill your days me, Brandon and Suzy are always available for visiting. =)

    • maggieandzac February 27, 2009 at 4:38 am #

      Jenny…We will come visit you soon for sure…In our totally unaltered state of mind! We will be super boring.
      Sheena…unless YOU are the Easter Bunny, I have a feeling that won’t be what my Easter basket looks like! That would be a really good Easter though…

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